Tracey Spicer: the day she dropped her baby, and why she's a Choice advocate

Long-time Choice advocate and mother of two, journalist Tracey Spicer, has written a personal blog (see below) to mark Choice Baby Safety Week this week.

In a gut-wrenching, could-have-been-me story, Tracey reveals for the first time how her new-born baby fell head-first onto wooden floor boards during a change table mishap. 

As part of her advocacy role, Tracey is calling on parents to be more vigilant when purchasing baby products. According to Tracey, it’s difficult to get genuine, objective and independent advice, and this is why she decided to support Choice Baby Safety Week.  

You can download the comprehensive Choice guide right here (it's worth it; I have downloaded it and so wish this was around when my twins were babies): www.choice.com.au/expectantparentsguide

Here is Tracey's raw and honest piece for Choice Baby Safety Week:

"It’s the most wonderful time of your life. But it can also be the most fearful.

Caring for a baby is equal parts exhilaration and trepidation. Am I doing the right thing? What if something happens? Where’s the rule book?

I remember – like it was yesterday – bringing home my precious premature firstborn. Taj had spent three weeks in neo-natal intensive care with two serious lung disorders.

I was finally able to take him home on Christmas Eve. We went for a sunset walk with the pram. It was supposed to be a moment of great joy. But I was struck with terror.

Every couple of steps, I stopped to remove the sunshade to make sure he was still breathing. I fiddled with the straps to ensure he wouldn’t become strangled. I loosened then tightened his swaddling so it was just right. In short: I drove my husband mad.

But I didn’t have confidence in my ability as a mother – or the products I’d purchased to keep my baby safe. Then came the change table incident.

We had an old, wooden table we’d bought on eBay. But it didn’t have raised sides.

“It’s OK,” I thought. “I’ll always have one hand on the little wriggler. He won’t fall off.”

Now, babies aren’t supposed to roll over until three or four months of age. But one day, when Taj was two-and-a-half-months, I turned around to grab some wipes and “thud”.

He’d fallen headfirst onto the floorboards. I scooped him up and went to call triple-0.

Fortunately, he wasn’t hurt. We were incredibly lucky.

Falling is the most common cause of injury to children under the age of five.

One friend had to take her baby to the emergency department with a hairline fracture to the skull after a similar incident.

Her change table had been handed down through the family. Again, it had no sides or safety straps.

Parents face the same problems with bassinets. They may look lovely, but many pose choking and suffocation hazards.

I’ll never forget seeing another friend’s baby with his face pressed into a gap between the mattress and the side of the bassinet. The mesh had been covered with a blanket to provide comfort – but no ventilation. I quickly moved the blanket away so the sweet little fella could breathe.

The problem is, first-time parents are flying blind. There’s a plethora of information on the internet, but much of it is sponsored by manufacturers.

It’s difficult to get genuine, objective, independent advice.

That’s why I’m proud to support Choice's Baby Safety Week. Rigorous testing has revealed which products are safe, and which are not. There’s also advice on adjustments you can make to existing items.

The solution is simple: The Federal Government needs to bring in mandatory standards for all strollers, bassinets and change tables.

Sure, some might say this is another example of the “nanny state”. But what’s more important than protecting new life? It would certainly give parents peace of mind."



Adds Tracey in my interview with her [she was juggling swimming lessons with her kids and our phone interview, while I was hoping my four year old twins would stay quiet during our chat. They did]:


"The point I want to make is it can happen to anybody. I mean, you're so careful with every area of your life, and especially with kids, but then, your attention is turned away for a second and and anything can happen.


That's why, I am such a fan of Choice generally, but specifically with this campaign because when you're going out there, buying products, whether it's a change table, or a stroller, or a bassinet, you need to know that it's 100% safe, and it has the latest technology, to make sure that even if you turn away for a second there are sides on the change table for example, or a strap that can keep your baby safe and secure.


So that's why I wanted to support the campaign, to say, look this can happen to anybody; let's get some laws in place that help mothers help themselves."


Making an informed choice is super important for new mums, and Tracey agrees.


"Exactly. Because a lot of people might buy stuff on eBay or get it handed down through the family, and it's lovely to have those sentimental items like beautiful bassinets, but some items do have suffocation hazards that we've only become aware of in recent years, so you might not even be aware of that."


I am a great fan of the hand me down, as a mum of twins. Tracey, too, favoured the odd hand me down, but says: "I thought that anything that was handed down to me, or even anything I bought met the safety standards, but that's just not the case."


Are people turning to more and more to guides from Choice, so they feel completely informed when making important purchases?


"Definitely. And I think the reason people are turning to an organisation like Choice is because they're independent. If you start researching on the internet, a lot of reports are put up there by the manufacturer's and they don't disclose that it's by the manufacturer's. They say it has this safety rating or that safety rating, but there's not an independent body there, on the internet, broadly advising parents that this item is 100% safe. 


And that's what good about Choice. They've got no agenda, they're not not being paid by any company, so you know it's legitimate, authentic advice."


Download the Choice guide here: www.choice.com.au/expectantparentsguide



Tracey Spicer is a broadcaster, journalist, mother and Advocate for CHOICE Baby Safety Week. For more on Tracey, click here: http://spicercommunications.biz/

'Stay-at-home mums are not as happy as working mums'. This mum disagrees.

Stay-at-home mothers are not as happy as mothers who are employed, a new study has showed.


Research company Gallup found that non-employed mothers in the US experience more negative emotions such as worry, sadness, stress, anger and depression, than those who work.


The research, which looked at 60,799 randomly-chosen women, showed that 41 per cent of stay-at-home mothers experience worry while just 34 per cent of employed mothers experience the same feeling.

To read more, go here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2148101/How-mothers-stay-home-LESS-happy-work--likely-depressed.html#ixzz1vexo5boW

You might think, oh, here we go: another survey. A bunch of stats. Each case is different; heck each day is different.

I always like to read a real life story. Here is one written for this blog by Ruth, about her experiences with almost one year old daughter, Maddie:

"I recently made the decision not to go back to work in the short-term. I know how lucky I am to have this as an option, but I wasn’t prepared for it to feel like a weird thing to be doing. 

As a child of the 70s, having our mum take care of us was then far from unusual. Mum did some casual marking of exam papers in the evenings and at weekends to bring in some extra money but apart from that she was around until I, as the second child, was at school. 

Notice I don’t say she was “at home”. That’s because the phrase “stay at home mum” is a pet hate of mine. Who coined that term anyway? Someone completely ignorant of the role mums play in getting their kids out and about and exploring the big wide world. Sure there’s some home time, quite a lot of it, but all the mums I know relish the chance for an outing. Even a supermarket trip can become strangely thrilling, but the reality is we don’t just stay at home. Someone find another term, please.

As a full-time mum, I love every day with my daughter. Don’t get me wrong though, it takes every ounce of my creativity to avoid ground-hog day.

I grew up hearing my mum talk about the outings we used to do with her as young kids – trips to the zoo, feeding the ducks and taking a whole day to walk around the local lake in the days before it had a proper path for the hordes of joggers who conquer it in 20 minutes now. 

We’d stop to look at every leaf and stick that took our interest and picnic along the way. These were idyllic, blissful days. I don’t remember having to rush here, there and everywhere or the controlled action-packed activities that cost you an arm and a leg that seem to be par for the course now.

Mum as a working mum had a big impact on me. I think I got a lot of my work ethic from her. She was always passionate about her work and she and Dad would talk animatedly about their respective days over dinner. I also loved watching her getting ready in the mornings, putting on make-up and smelling of perfume. She had a shiny new work car – a Datsun 180B – and when I had a day off from school I’d sometimes get to come into the city and have a smoothie with her at the café next to her office. But she was passionate about “work” at home too. She seemed to take copious loads of washing in her stride and was always a 'MasterChef' in the kitchen.

I hope I can instil this passion for work in all shapes and forms in my daughter. I miss work, but I don’t miss a lot about it – the commuting, the endless meetings and emails. Meeting a work mate for lunch in the city I realise I’ve forgotten the terrier-like approach you need to get through Pitt Street Mall [Sydney] at lunch time unscathed. And did I really use to see these bustling food halls as sanctuaries? Why is everyone in SUCH a hurry?  It was great to hear all about my former work place, but it felt strange to be disengaged from people and projects that I used to be so intertwined with.

I wasn’t prepared for the lack of conversation with like-minded others in this new life of mine.  I haven’t really found my niche at Mothers’ Group. Everyone is 10 years younger.  I didn’t think it would matter but it does. Their priorities are so different. [Not to mention Alex Papps is on Play School but they can’t remember him in Home & Away let alone The Factory so where’s the common ground?]

I wasn’t prepared for the mind blanks that seem to come with motherhood. As someone who would pride herself on being something of a wordsmith, having complete blackouts on words mid-conversation has taken some getting used to. But hey, it makes other people feel good when they can finish your sentences.

And I wasn’t prepared for the sense of dislocation and isolation. It seems strange to call it that when simultaneously I have this incredible bond with a precious little person who makes me laugh and smile 7 days a week from 5.45am to 7pm and she is usually attached to my arm or leg at most times during the day. But I find myself sometimes asking: where exactly do I fit in? 

I’m not interested in making washing and ironing an art form. I’m enjoying finding pleasure in the simple things and the new creative challenges I find myself up against, but 'domestic goddess' is not something I aspire to. And I can’t possibly be as passionate about the work I used to do now that I’m out of the loop.

So… where do I fit in? I’m not sure, but I’ve come to the conclusion that finding a label isn’t necessary. My daughter is happy, my husband is happy, and most importantly, I’m happy. 

Where motherhood will take me I do not know. Maybe even eventually back to work. But right now, I’m happy as a pig in mud living day to day, or sleep to sleep."

What are your experiences of staying at home, or going back to work. If the latter, how old was bub/s? Or you do work from home? Share comments on blog - would love to hear other women's stories!

Swearing kids: not funny, but funny

If you've ever wondered just how much kids absorb and copy what we do and say - immediately - watch this.

This new viral vid shows how a toddler repeats something unsavoury as soon as her father says it:

Have you ever stifled laughter when you first hear your child utter a bad, bad word?

Where did it happen?

Share!

Here are some more highly-inappropriate-to-laugh-so-as-to-not-encourage-them videos:

Selective reduction: one woman's story

The upcoming story on 60 Minutes tonight on selective reduction continues the string of parenting-focused, dilemma-ridden stories (choosing the sex of your baby; see:  http://www.twinnieworld.blogspot.com.au/2012/04/choosing-sex-of-your-baby.html and smacking your child; see: http://www.twinnieworld.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/to-smack-or-not-to-smack.html )


Tonight, the focus will be on selective reduction.


Here is the preview clip: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/video.aspx?videoid=D64C876E-5F6A-4D6C-BE3C-6C063E65F12E


Selective reduction - or fetal reduction - is the practice of aborting one or more fetuses in a multi-fetal pregnancy, say quadruplets, to a twin or singleton pregnancy.



I put the word out there about selective reduction on my social networks, urging anyone who has undergone this procedure to come forward, even anonymously. No replies.



So I surfed the net and found several forums on this controversial, emotional topic .


Here is the story of one woman's heartbreaking life choice: [please feel free to comment, even anonymously):

Thoughts on husband who wants me to reduce from twins to singleton....

HI I am 41 and I have a son from a FET in 2005 who is 5. I wanted another child, my husband, who has older kids (18, 22 and 24)from a previous marriage, did not really. We pursued it, and I went through many failed cycles, a miscarriage, etc. We tried again recently in this last January, and I about fell over when I found it was twins. We only put in two blasts, and did PGD for the first time! We changed doctors, and the new doc was a way more attentive. My husband is not happy it is twins. I was in shock for awhile about it, excited and overwhelmed.
He wants me to reduce. I went and saw the reduction doctor who basically gave me all the stats about how a singleton is better and healthier and the complications that can happen with twin pregnancy. She gave me all the info about premies and the problems.

I realized though, my health (knock wood) is good, I am tall, 5'8, and I don't feel a need to reduce unless (this is my personal feeling at this time) my life is endangered, or the babies are, or something is really wrong. I have searched high and low in my heart for this answer, and I cannot imagine doing SR and feeling good about it. If I was pregnant with trips, quads, I will still hate to do it, but it wouldbe more understandable to me. At times, the idea of twins can be overwhelming, since i Have a son, I know what the baby stage is like. I told the doctor thank you for all the info. SHe offered to do my NT scan, and I really did not want her to do it. But my husband thought she was such a great doctor, I went back and did it to appease him. She got the measurements incorrectly, had to go back for the second time and do it again. Then she submitted my age 41 instead the frozen embryos' age, which was from myself at 39.
It gave me the chance 1/110 for Down's, which totally freaked me out. (1/100 is a postiive screen in CA). WE realized her mistake, called her, and she called me back with new numbers. so now it is 1/230, for Down's, 1 in 8000 for Edwards. I feel like she botched my whole NT scan. You can only have one NT scan in California cause the state does lab prental testing. That's whole another story..

I talked to my OB about it. He told me to get the quad screen at 15 weeks and to go to a different peri for the 4D u/s ( I am going to the peri I had with my son). If anything comes up on the quad, I will do amnio. So far, the babies (knock wood) look great and healthy.

My husband though, has LOST HIS MIND. He is telling me he will leave me if I won't reduce. We did have a conversation pre-transfer, and I did say if this happenned, I probably would reduce, but couldnot promise. When I found out what was involved, it made me cringe. He told me to move in with my sister, has said nasty things to me. It's not like we can't afford it. It is out of his age, selfishness and fear, he doesn't want to deal with TWO more kids. I have looked in my heart, and thought, what's worse, my husband leaving me, or my reducing down to one fetus because he wants it. I just don't feel good about it. I said to a friend today, he is going to hate me for the rest of my life, and she said,"Is it better than you hating yourself for the rest of your life?" It gave me food for thought.

I feel so lucky and blessed to be pregnant. I totally respect everyone's own decision, and it is SOO SOO personal. I just wonder if anyone else here has been in this situtation.
My son is SOOOO excited to be a big brother. It is the sweetest thing. I am 13 weeks and 3 days, and I guess the SR is suppose to be up to 14 weeks. I think this is why my husband is not being kind to me. My best friend said she can't believe anyone would be treating a pregnant woman like this.

I need feedback.

I am suppose to take my motherinlaw out to lunch Thursday, but I think I need to cancel. She is one of those moms, that no matter what, thinks her son is right. I can't find anything nice to say right now.

Thanks for listening...

Note: this image is not from the woman, above. It is from Amanda Stansel, a woman in the US who was carrying six fetuses. The Stansels rejected their doctor's advice to have selective reduction, and their six babies were born at about 14 weeks premature. Three of the babies died within two weeks of birth.

Jessica Marais and James Stewart: baby Scout in Who magazine

Awww!

Now this is an a-dorable baby photo of the newborn baby daughter of 'Packed to the Rafters' former co-stars [now partners in life] Jessica Marais and James Stewart.

They named the little girl Scout Edie, and in an exclusive interview with Who magazine - out today - the smitten couple reveal details of Marais’s pregnancy, her 11 hour labour (“Jimmy breathed with me and reassured me the whole time,” says Marais), their birth plan (Scout was born to Sting’s “Fields of Gold”) and the joy of becoming parents for the first time. 

“You can’t prepare yourself for what happens once that little person enters the world,” says Marais, who shows off her week-old daughter in a series of intimate family portraits.

“It’s just sheer and utter love, it’s overwhelming.”

As the young family prepares to make the temporary move to the US, where Marais will resume work on the set of Miami-based drama Magic City, the actress reveals how Scout’s arrival has strengthened the bond she shares with her fiancé, Rafters star Stewart. 

“We’re a family,” she says.

And who do they think she looks like? 

“She has her mum’s lips and my nose,” says Stewart. “And definitely her dad’s head of hair!”

Who magazine is onsale today, 18 May.

To smack or not to smack? A psychologist weighs in.

Did you watch the '60 Minutes' Australia report on smacking?

It has been the buzz since Sunday and it certainly made for uncomfortable viewing.

Here is the entire story video clip:http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/stories/8465814/the-smack

And here is the first part of the 60 Minutes story transcript:

MICHAEL USHER: To smack or not to smack? It's an issue that goes to the heart of parenting and there doesn't seem to be middle ground. You either believe that smacking is good, old-fashioned discipline or you consider it a form of child abuse. Dozens have banned it. Now there is a big push to do this here – that's despite the fact most Australians think an occasional slap is okay. Still, very few will admit to it, let alone smack their kids publicly – like one mother you are about to meet.

ANN: Look at me, I'm not joking. This is not funny, OK? Not funny at all. Do you understand?

MICHAEL USHER: Mother of four, Ann Shepherd, is dishing out what she calls “tough love”. She smacks her children when they are not behaving. Usually a short, sharp whack to the back side.

ANN: A slap can go straight to the point very quickly and it can get very quick results – for me, anyway.

MICHAEL USHER: Ann hasn't been caught out on camera, more embarrassed to admitting she smacks – in fact, the opposite. She's an advocate of smacking and allowed us to capture these very real, if not confronting, moments on cameras installed in her home.

ANN: That's for you. Smack for you.

MICHAEL USHER: Watching some of the vision of old-fashioned discipline for all her children. How do you feel when you smack them?

ANN: I don't feel guilty about doing it but I'm a human being. I'm a mother above all, and yeah, it does affect me. However, I know that in the long run I'm doing the right thing, because it will help them to become better adults, really.

For more, see: http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/stories/8465814/the-smack

I interviewed Lyn Worsley, psychologist at The Resilience Centre [see: http://www.theresiliencecentre.com.au] on the topic.

"We really need to learn methods that help children to self-discipline, and if your only form of discipline is to smack and shock them, then basically you’re what you're doing is a very behaviour-centric response to discipline.

"It’s like you’re giving dogs an electric shock when they don’t go through the right door.

"And really, in terms of raising children, what we need to do is look at how to help children to have a sense of their own self-discipline or self-awareness.

"So, raising children isn’t about managing them so they behave; it’s about giving them the tools so they know how to behave at the right time and place.

Adds Lyn: "If you use smacking in the context of, say, stopping a child from running out onto the road in front of traffic, that’s often a shock response to stop them from doing that, and sometimes I think that’s called for. But it shouldn’t be what you use as your main method of discipline.

"A child learning self-discipline needs to someone to talk to them very sternly when they’re misbehaving; they need to know that when they see mum or dad get angry, then the behaviour they are doing is wrong, that it’s socially unacceptable, and the only way to tell them that is by disciplining them. 

"When you smack them, then you’re not really teaching them discipline; you’re teaching them ‘you can express anger by hitting, and this is how I’m expressing anger at you.'"

So, do kids learn to 'respect' their parents because they get smacked, or do they grow up resenting them?

"I actually think that children know the context of their smacks. So, they know when they’re being smacked because they've done something wrong, like the traffic situation, and they know when their parents have lost control of the situation, too. Children know when their parent has hit them in a way that is to enable them to remain safe."

So, what of the argument people use "look, I was smacked as a child and there’s nothing wrong with me so therefore I will smack my children"?

Says Lyn, "What’s happened here is that they don’t have memories of it being abuse; they don’t have memories of it being a power imbalance.

"And certainly, you can smack a child without that power imbalance, but it’s less and less acceptable these days, so you don’t see it in our white western society without it being coupled with anger.

"The big problem is, if you start saying to people, you’re not allowed to smack, but you don’t replace that with another behaviour they can do to discipline the child, then you end up with children that are out of control.

"That don’t have any restraints put around them… they need to have boundaries where they know, 'oh, I can't go there or do that, or I’ll be in trouble.'

"A parent needs to have a means where they can say, 'I am the parent, I am I control of you, I am in charge of you, but I'm not going to use this power over you in order to discipline you. I'm going to make sure I have a sense of control until you're old enough to have control over yourself.'

"Regarding the woman in the 60 Minutes story, she can’t use the argument that smacking works.

"Once you have a child who is living with a sense of fear, you then have a real power imbalance… if we really want to raise children in an ideal world, you’ll raise them in a way that they understand that someone has control over them but not power. It’s a really fine line.

Let's use a real life scenario, one that's likely happened in every home with more than one child: one pushes the other, the other is hurt and comes to you screaming, and you give him a smack on the bottom to help them understand what they did was wrong.

Is that okay?

"I think the child will know the context of why you were giving them a smack. He would know that they did something wrong. But if smacked your child out of anger, then he’ll also know that, and would soon copy that.

"Unless you can guarantee that you can smack without any anger, then that smack should not happen.

"In dog training, when a dog does something wrong, you tap them on the nose and look them in the eye. You don’t do that with anger, you do that for them to learn the 'right way.'

"It’s the same with a child – if a child pulls your hair, often a parent will grab their hand and smack their hand and you say, 'don't do that.'"

What does Lyn think about legislating smacking?

"It has been done in a few other countries, and when they did that there was a bit of an uproar, but at the same time it made people think about the alternative way to teach discipline to their children. And so courses are offered where they can learn different disciplining skills.

"Of course, we have courses here and parents would do well to look into them. If we are going to legislate, we have to give parents an alternative.

You just can’t 'take something away', and not replace it with anything, otherwise you’ll have parents that are so disempowered, they won’t know what to do."

What is your approach to disciplining your children? What works for you?

To contact Lyn Worsley, go here: www.theresiliencecentre.com.au or call (+61 2) 9874 9711 or 9869 0377 (Epping, Sydney).

You can also 'like' the Resilience Centre on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/TheResilienceCentre

About Lyn Worsley: Lyn is a Clinical Psychologist with a background in nursing, youth work, early childhood and tertiary education teaching. Lyn has experience working in prisons, hospitals an

into the development of resilience has a refreshing, multidisciplinary approach which has long been missing in past resilience research. Learn more about The Resilience Doughnut here: https://www.facebook.com/ResilienceDoughnut

New mum Aishwarya Rai is 'too fat,' apparently

So, when you pop out a baby, ladies, and you're a model, you'd better get back into shape quick-smart.

Reports the site Jezebel:

"Heaven forbid a woman gestate a humanand not instantaneously return to super-svelte shape! The Indian media have proved themselves every bit as concerntrolly as their US counterparts after commentators went after Bollywood legend Aishwarya Rai — not only for selfishly getting pregnant, but also for having the nerve to not shed pounds immediately following the birth. (Her new baby is a mere six months old.) Causing outrage after getting snapped looking roughly 0.00067% less hot than normal on her way to a party for UN secretary general Ban Ki-Moon, Rai's been likened to an elephant on one website — complete with trumpeting sound effects — resulting in some impassioned commentary. "She is a Bollywood actress and it is her duty to look good and fit," typed one commenter, with another adding: "She needs to learn from people like Victoria Beckham who are back to size zero weeks after their delivery."

Read more here: http://jezebel.com/5911045/concern+trolling-jerks-think-aishwarya-rai-is-too-fat-to-function

This came on the back of a report in SMH, which says:

"Aishwarya Rai is no stranger to Cannes.

The Bollywood actor and former Miss World has attended the film festival 10 times, but her appearance on the red carpet next week is set to be her most talked about.

The cause of a controversy raging in India lies not with her latest film - Rai is there to promote a cosmetic brand rather than a new movie - but instead, bewilderingly, with recent photographs which suggest that, six months after giving birth to a baby girl, Rai has yet to regain her pre-pregnancy figure."

You can read the report here:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/beauty/it-is-her-duty-to-look-good-and-fit-bollywood-star-and-former-miss-world-targeted-over-failure-to-lose-postpregnancy-weight-20120517-1ysg1.html

It's all a bit nuts, yes?

What do you think?

Time Magazine: Attachment Parenting

Take a look at the just-released cover of US TIME magazine

Time magazine's explanation of the cover:

"The subjects on this week’s TIME cover aren’t models in pose. Jamie Lynne Grumet, photographed by Martin Schoeller with her 3-year-old son, is a mother from Los Angeles who subscribes to attachment parenting, the subject of staff writer Kate Pickert’s cover story. Attachment parenting has been on the rise over the last two decades, since the publication of The Baby Book by Dr. Bill Sears and his wife, Martha, in 1992. Its three main tenets are extended breast-feeding, co-sleeping and “baby wearing,” in which infants are physically attached to their parents by slings."

What do you think of the cover? A little 'too much'? Or just as nature intended?

See more on attachment parenting here, by advocate and actress Mayim Bialik:http://www.twinnieworld.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/beyond-sling-mayim-bialik-on-attachment.html 

Twins at 46 - "Having children at an older age is more rewarding and enjoyable"

At the age of 46, I had not only found love once more, but had also been blessed with twins.

The last time I was pregnant before the twins was in 1989 – when I was 28 years old. So it’s been a long time in between pregnancies.

I think being older and having had two other children kind of prepared me for having another child… but it had not prepared me for two of them!

It all seemed too easy when were in hospital when the nurses were around to help you, but nothing prepared me for what would happen at home. Feeding time was the most time consuming, but my biggest reward was the amazing bond I experienced this time around. It was something that I will cherish forever.

At the age of 23 or even 28 I don’t think I fully enjoyed the experience as much as I did with the twins. I think it was because I was much more relaxed and had the huge and never-ending support of my husband. I decided to breastfeed both girls at the same time as it was easier and hated that one of the twins had to wait until I finished feeding the other one.

I had a huge abundance of patience this time around and the whole day revolved around a strict routine, but every now and then when the routine was disrupted it sure created some chaos. Some days were spent in my dressing gown all day, doing nothing but tending to the girls; sleep was like a an old friend, missing in action.

Eventually the milk ran out and so the bottle feeding began, and lucky for me, the girls learned early to grab the bottle and feed themselves.

When they were babies my job was - most of the time - easy, but that wonderful virtue called ‘patience’ left me once the girls started talking.

The competitiveness from such an early age was overwhelming. They would - and still to this day do - fight over such things as who would get their hair brushed first, who would sit in the seat behind mummy or daddy in the car, who would get to ask a question first. The bickering is absolutely phenomenal, and there is no coming to an agreement with them because - at all costs - each one has to be first for everything.

I definitely have to stress that being older and having children at an older age - in my experience - has been more rewarding and enjoyable. So much so that today, at the age of 51 years young, if I could I would have another baby...

But, alas society definitely would not approve…

Baby number three - yes or no?

This topic has been on my mind for several weeks, months even.

It's about having baby number three.

It's a funny conversation that usually goes something like this:

Me: "I think I am done. No, I know I am done. The husband is definitely done. But somehow... I don't know... there is a niggling feeling I may want another child. I may want to expand two to three."

Friend: "Really? Are you sure? Then do it! Yes, I know we are all turning 40, but women are having babies later anyway, so you know, you should definitely do it. On the other hand, you know... you have a boy and a girl, so you have the pigeon pair."

It's a strange convo, that plays out in different ways, but always starts and ends the same way. Uncertainty, then clarity.

That is: I am very clear I am done with adding to the family. Two was always the magic number for us. Two boys or two girls, or a boy and a girl. It was always two. But then: I was number three in my family.

And: I never expected to have two in one go, to have twins.

Which meant: one pregnancy, one delivery, one lot of breastfeeding (yep, sometimes at the same time), and one hellish lot (well, two - they'd wake at different times) of getting up in the middle of the night, for hungry babies.

Plus, now that I am experienced with the chaos of two, I want to know what's it's like to attend to one. Enjoy one. Be lost in the joy of caring for just one. [I am fully aware that this is possibly a rose-coloured glasses way of looking at the whooole process again; on the very rare occasion one of my twins wake up when I am about to go to bed exhausted, I remember: oh yes, I haaate my sleep being disturbed!].

I have long said, "One baby...? Pfft... I could do that with my eyes closed now!"

A friend, whose sister has had triplets, said this was probably common among women with multiples.

While we are genuinely, eternally grateful for being blessed with two (or more) in one go and 'getting it all out of the way', apparently many mums of multiples would like to experience what it's all like with a singleton bub.

A [male] friend of mine who is a dad of three recently told me: "EVERYTHING changes when you go from two to three. For us, it meant a bigger car, an extension to the house, more stress, more hard work, worrying about a new person all over again."

That comment alone convinced me [although I did casually add that we had a spare room, and a spare spot in our Kia Carnival] that we were done. Yep, yep... done. Yes, totally positive. [I think... no, I am sure. Sure.]

And so, last night I read with interest a story in this week's Grazia magazine [if you want a copy, be quick - it goes off sale by today's end].

The story, by Sonja Ebbels titled "The Third Parent Trap" not only talks about women wanting to expand their brood to a trio, it also talks about some examples she knows about women secretly falling pregnant to to do this, despite their partners' wishes that two suited them just fine.

"These weren't single women terrified their biological clocks were ticking, but desperate mothers who wanted one more child than their other half was willing to give," writes Sonja.

She adds this alarming statistic: "A UK survey revealed that about 42 percent of women would lie about using contraception in order t get pregnant, in spite of their partners' wishes.

"From the stories I heard, it seemed to come down to one question: what will kill your relationship faster? Living with a lie, and another child, or feeling forever unfulfilled because of your man's lack of compliance?"

It's an incredible take on the whole topic: deceiving your partner into having another baby. Lordy, I would never do that.

So, are you going contemplating having a third child right now? What are your experiences?

Feel free to comment (anon is okay) about your own experiences.

And for more on Grazia, go here: http://grazia.ninemsn.com.au/