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Thursday, May 7, 2015

The Top 20 Dilemmas of Being a Modern, Multi-tasking Mum by Anna Abignano

I love this.

My friend Anna is a wonderful human, a top mummy, an exceptional PR person, and… a witty writer!

She sent me this today and I knew I had to share.

So, in the spirit of Mother's Day and all the mothers out there who do a KICK-ARSE job, this is for you too:

The top 20 dilemmas of being a Modern, Multi-tasking Mum 
  1. Trying to insert a tampon with acrylic nails.
  2. Trying hard not to hit your husband with a hot pan when he asks “What’s for Dinner?”
  3. Trying hard not to suffocate your husband with a blanket when he channel surfs while you’re sitting next to him folding washing.
  4. Trying not to hit your husband with a tea towel when he is still channel surfing while you are still folding washing.
  5. Trying not to get third degree burns while you’re balancing a sick, screaming toddler on your hip the same time as attempting to cook spag bol.
  6. Getting carpet burn picking up every single grain of rice your 10-month-old throws on the floor, wishing you had floor boards.
  7. Getting splinters from the floor boards picking up every single grain of rice your 10- month-old throws on the floor, wishing you had carpet.
  8. Screaming your head off and doing a quick dive toward your toddler when you see blood pouring out of her mouth, only to realise she has strawberries stuck in her teeth.
  9. Burning off ten kilos scrubbing Sudocrem out of the carpet.
  10. Getting back pain picking up and re-folding the washing your toddler has decided to grab and fling all over the living room floor for fun.
  11. Being in total denial at the mouldy smell coming from the load of washing you ran two days ago but are yet to hang up.
  12. Skidding on milk that was spilt all over the kitchen floor two days ago, but you haven’t had the time (or the inclination) to mop it up.
  13. Trying to remember what a mop looks like.
  14. Not allowing your husband to touch your droopy, I’ve-breastfed-three-children boobs, then spending four hours a day researching new boobs online wondering if you can somehow disguise the cost of your new breasts on the joint credit card or somehow convince your Bank Manager for a new boob payment plan.
  15. Hiding out in your wardrobe eating an entire block of Cadbury Chocolate Hazelnut. Comforting yourself that it’s ok to do so as it contains nuts, and possibly not good for your kids anyway.
  16. Cleaning up so much poo that you’ve awarded nicknames to the different kinds of explosions: “Cadbury chocolate poo”. “I-don’t-feed-him-enough-fibre guilt pellets”. “She’s about to get gastro poo”. “Corn on the cob poo”. “What the f$#@ just happened poo”.
  17. Rushing your daughter to emergency because she sustained first-degree burns on the hair straightener you forgot to turn off.
  18. Finding yourself humming the tune to “Dorothy the Dinosaur” while you’re in the bathroom getting ready for a girl’s night out. Then getting in the car, looking in the rear-view mirror deciding you look like a Yeti because the last time you plucked your eyebrows was possibly three months ago.
  19. Wondering whether to chill the wine at midday.
  20. Not allowing your husband to touch your legs during sex because you haven’t bothered to shave or wax them for three months. Wondering if you can donate your leg hair to Carpet Court. 
About the Author: 

Anna Abignano (pronounced “A-bin-yar-no) is a very busy single mum of two gorgeous kids who never make life as a mother dull! She juggles motherhood by running her own freelance PR business, All About PR, and swears that one day she will own shares in a hair-colouring company seeing as a grey hair sprouts at least once a fortnight. Other than that, she has good genes on her side being told she looks 30 instead of 40. She is hoping it’s a compliment rather than a pick-up line, but honestly concludes it must be true as women tell her that, too. She is currently cooking dinner while her kids fight over the iPod.

This post was also posted at Josie's Juice here.

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